Morons of the Day: Suicide by Sausage

These are some boneheaded print ads from 2006(?). These are NOT public service ads. They’re for a bariatric surgeon!

Tagline reads: “Obesity is suicide. But it doesn’t have to end this way. Find out how bariatric surgery can help. The Northern Bariatric Surgery Institute. www.cutweight.org.”

Having half your guts cut out is sooooo much better? Seriously. I think a fat person is much more likely to commit suicide because they’re social outcasts than after a hearty meal of butter, sausage, and candy

AND you’ve gotta appreciate how they used a thin woman in the “pills” ad. Apparently, thin women want to commit suicide by M&Ms too.

Now, I’ll be the first to say, if it were possible for me to get all my fat sucked out of my big toe and be thin and happy forever, I’d be the first in line. But bariatric surgery is so dangerous, so risky—there is a reason why it’s supposed to be a last-ditch option. I’ve known three people that have had the surgery done; two are right back at the obese weight point they started at. Those are some frightening odds.

I’m going back on Atkins. This shit scares me.

Today’s fat will soon be yesterday’s problem…

… er… I hope.

Hi. My name is Kate and I’m fat.

Hi Kate.

I’ve worked very hard to get to this point, and put in countless hours of dedicated eating on my own, but I’d like to thank all those without whose assistance, I wouldn’t be obese today.

• To McDonalds for making delicious deep fried foods that taste great, have virtually no nutritional value, and are instantly available through several nearby drive-thrus.
• To my parents and siblings for their constant disapproval and belittlement which caused me to seek asylum in the world of food.
• The fine folks at Lay’s for making chips so good, you truly can’t eat just one.
• The inventors of cherry pie whose tart cherries contributed to so much of the fat that is me!
• To the diet industry who has worked so hard to give me false hope over many years.
• To the fashion industry, whose championship of an impossible standard of beauty shames me into self loathing.
• And finally, to my once best friend who systematically destroyed my life over the past two years and reintroduced me to carbs after two years of dietary success, weight loss, and professional success.

Thank you all for your contributions toward this massive abundance of adipose tissue!!

One must begin somewhere, and I begin here. I am 39 years old; I turn 40 in one month. I weigh approximately 260 pounds at 5′9″ tall. I currently wear a size 24 jean (the waist is too big though, if that counts for anything) and a size 3x shirt.

I am by all definitions, fat.

I plan to go back on Atkins—the only diet/eating lifestyle that has ever worked for me. I understand it will be a rough road, but I have to do this. Not for anyone else, just for me.

In the meantime, I have a McDonalds breakfast that’s getting cold. I’ll write more later.

What IS all this?

This blog is about my experiences in what will be (hopefully) my final attempt to lose conquer obesity and be “like everyone else”. Please add me to your blogroll and comment if you’d like me to link to you as well. Thanks!

Please see my “About Kate” page for more details.